The Rare, Coveted Skill the World is Starving for

We are fully into summer over here, folks. And for many who operate as parents, family leaders or caretakers, that means a combination of:

• Vacation planning and trips

• School endings and letting out for the summer (the summer camp dance is no joke!)

• “Making the most” of the summer months

• Barbecues, get togethers, outings, etc etc
  

Summers are a fascinating paradox of slowing down and cramming in.

So it had me pondering quite a bit lately… that perhaps the difference between fueling up and burning out (regardless of the schedule) could be this: PRESENCE. 

Not just “showing up”, or carrying a certain gravitas when you enter a room, or even presence as a coaching competency (which we’re studying this month in IGNITE!). Acting as if you have all the time in the world for THIS moment and THIS moment and THIS moment.

Presence as a way of life and an internal compass.

The older I get, the more I’m convinced that one of the greatest gifts we can offer another human being is our full, undivided attention (especially after immersing myself in the coaching field for 13 years). 

And yet, that feels harder than ever.

Not only is it our human design to want to find the problem and fix it, to prove our value so we’re kept in the village, to multi-task and produce more, to provide advice because our society celebrates knowing over not knowing… but also because we're all carrying so much. Notifications. Calendars. Responsibilities. News. Family. Work. The endless mental tabs that seem to stay open no matter how hard we try to close them. It's become normal to be in one conversation while thinking about three others. To listen while preparing our response. To sit with someone while simultaneously planning what's next.

I catch myself doing it too.

As coaches, we talk about presence all the time. In fact, it's one of the most important competencies we develop, and also one of the most important Leadership Competencies to master if you’re running teams, speaking to groups, or commanding rooms. But the more I study coaching mastery, the more I recognize that presence isn't something we can turn on when a client shows up. It's something we must practice every day.

Presence is a muscle and a skill that’s highly personalized, as I find that you talk to 10 different people and they’ll have 10 different definitions of presence and 10 different ways to measure it.

And if you’re wondering how YOU define presence, take a moment now to think about this:

1. How would YOU define presence?

2. Think back to the last time that someone was fully, completely present with you. What was your experience of receiving their presence?

3. How do you embody, evoke, and deepen your own presence in the moment?
   

For Coaches and Leaders, consider that presence isn't about having the perfect question, saying something profound, or carrying an energy that naturally convinces people. It isn't performance.

Presence is availability and trust.

And from there, presence is:

• The willingness to let go of your agenda long enough to meet someone where they are.

• Trusting yourself, others, and the situation/process.

• Allowing discomfort or silence

• Staying curious when your brain desperately wants to jump ahead.

• Listening for what's not being said, and being brave enough to ask about it

• Noticing your own reactions and choosing not to follow them.
  

One of the things I love most about MCC-level coaching is that the spotlight isn't on the coach. In fact, the best coaching often looks deceptively simple, where technique disappears and from the observing lens it appears as if two old friends are having a deeply moving conversation. There's less efforting, proving, and trying to be impressive. 

The coach isn't trying to create transformation. They're creating the conditions for transformation to emerge through new awareness, aligned action, and committed accountability, all generated through client wisdom. (Because at the end of the day, it’s more emotionally, mentally, and physically sustainable for the client to generate the results than it is for someone to give it to them.)

That requires a tremendous amount of presence and trusting ourselves, others, and the process. And I think that's why it feels so powerful when we experience it ourselves. We've all had those conversations where we walk away thinking, "Wow, they really got me."

There's something healing about being fully witnessed.

I believe presence, attention and trust is a big part of what people are starving for right now. In a world moving faster and faster, where everyone's attention is being pulled in a hundred directions, genuine presence has become increasingly rare.

And because it's rare, it becomes more coveted.

As coaches, presence helps us create a trust and safety that sets up the conditions for transformation through partnership. As leaders, it helps us create connection and retention. As parents, partners, and friends, it helps us create relationships that feel meaningful rather than transactional.

One last thing about Presence is that it isn't a destination or something we master once and then keep forever.

It's a practice. A returning.Again and again.Back to this conversation.Back to this moment.Back to this person.Back to ourselves.

So as we move into summer, that's the question I've been sitting with:

Where is my attention going? Where would I like it to go instead? And what does that make possible?

Because the more I learn about coaching, leadership, and being human, the more I believe that presence isn't just part of the work… Presence is the point.

With love and mastery,

Lisa