The “S” Word That Changed My Coaching (and Parenting)

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to lead, to coach, and to live ALL in alignment — especially when life gets FULL. 

And I use the word full, because busy and overwhelm tend to be limiting stories (perhaps so is full, but let’s go with it!). My husband and I bought a HOUSE in the ‘burbs of New Jersey, and are finally transitioning from city-life after 20 years (pics soon to come!). Throw in two booming careers, a potty training 2 year old, and normal plot twists, and life is FULL. 

What keeps coming up, over and over, are signs from the universe and clear reflections from my coaching peeps on the other “S” word: Surrender.

Not the kind of surrender that implies giving up or resignation, but the kind that asks us to let go of the grip — to release our tight hold on perfection, expectations, to be right, to fix, or to know how things will play out.

The Season of Surrender

Spring is often portrayed as a time of blooming, but as we move into summer, what we don’t talk about enough are the breakdowns that accompany the growth. The overwhelm. The unknown. The energetic gaps that must happen before a breakthrough can even begin.

I’ve had my fair share of both breakdowns and breakthroughs lately. I’m learning — sometimes the hard way — that what allows me to move through it isn’t more effort, hustle, or management…

It’s surrender.

Surrender is trusting myself and my partners and my clients more deeply. It’s releasing the performance energy. It’s knowing that transformation doesn’t happen because I know the answers, but because I’m willing to partner in the unknown.

In addition to being a personal insight — it’s also a professional truth, rooted in the core of our work as coaches. Let’s play there for a minute ;)

Core Competency #4: Trust & Safety Starts Within

One of the most foundational (and, in my opinion, underestimated especially at the MCC level) ICF Core Competencies is #4: Cultivates Trust and Safety.

We often think this means being warm, nonjudgmental, and present — and it does. But the real depth of this competency lives in how much we’re willing to surrender our egos, our need to appear credible/cool/professional, and our attachment to the outcome of the conversation (aka, “home runs”).

The more curious we are, the safer our space becomes. The more we surrender judgment — of ourselves and of our clients — the more powerful the coaching. The more we release our need to get somewhere at the speed of our expectations, the more we embrace and empower what IS. Which is the heart of what ICF coaching is about.

But the punchline is this - we cannot cultivate true trust and safety for others if we’re unwilling to cultivate trust and safety within ourselves.

That kind of inner work allows us to hold space for whatever shows up, without judgment, with curiosity, with interest in how this relates to the bigger picture, with trust in the universe and the process, with invitation to the client to own their resilience/grace/power/values.

That kind of surrender isn’t always easy, and sometimes it’s deeply vulnerable. It can feel risky. But it’s also where the magic lives.

Parenting as the Icing on the Coaching Cake

I used to think I had a pretty strong relationship with surrender — and then I became a parent. 

And THEN I became a potty-training parent :P.

There is nothing like parenthood to teach you to release expectations and control. The routines you thought were solid break down. The emotions you thought you’d mastered get tested. Your identity as a “leader” is constantly evolving.

But… parenting has also made me a far better coach.

Because when you can meet a child in their big emotions without rushing to fix, solve, or shame… and then you INVITE your child to share, learn, and sit beside them in that growth… you learn how to better meet your clients the same way. 

When you practice surrendering your image, your schedule, your “shoulds”… you’re practicing the very thing you want to model in your coaching.

Our personal growth will always be the ceiling of our professional depth. The more we stretch and expand, the more range and resonance we bring to every coaching conversation.

Surrender and Mastery

There’s something I want to say clearly, especially for the coaches in my community:

We are only as masterful as we are self-aware.

We are only as effective as we are willing to surrender in the inner work.

I believe this now more than ever.

And if you’re someone who’s feeling the tension — between what you know and what you’re becoming, between doing and being, between where you are and where you want to go — I want to personally invite you into that next layer of transformation.

🔥 IGNITE Mastery is (Unofficially) Open!

If you’ve been following the IGNITE journey, you know that this is my deepest, most transformational container for coaches going for their PCC or exploring their MCC.

From the first cohort, one IGNITE graduate earned her MCC and two others earned their PCCs — but that’s just the visible result. The real win? They grew into leaders, healed humans, richer relationships, fuller life-livers, more spacious people, not just coaches.

IGNITE is for the practitioner who’s:

• Ready to deepen their skillset and confidence as a PCC or MCC

• Craving community with seasoned, like-minded coaches

• Curious about what mastery might mean for them

  
  

If that’s you, or if you’re not sure but something in your gut says yes… ✨ Join the waitlist here.

There’s no “right time” to invest in yourself, your impact, or your leadership. But there is something powerful about choosing to grow during uncertain, “chaotic” seasons.

I invite you to reflect on this:

• Where are you being invited to surrender?

• What might open up if you trusted more, controlled less, and allowed life (and your clients) to unfold?

  
  

Let this be your season of surrender. Of softness. Of coming home to trust — in yourself, in your clients, and in the work we’ve been called to do.

With love and belief,

Lisa